Lierre Keith at 5:31 says “Coming to political consciousness is not a painless task.  To overcome that denial, the accommodation, the consent, means facing the everyday normative cruelty in the society which you live…. It’s also really hard to face your own collusion and your own oppression.  It’s not a fun moment.”

This hit me hard.  I realized over the last 6 months the real internal struggle I’ve been having—the one where I really try to deal with rejection of what this culture is, insane, and realize that I too am insane.  But I want it back; I want my sanity back.  I wrote this a few weeks ago and I believe it is relevant here:

Derrick Jensen wrote, “A reasonable definition of insanity is to have lost one’s connections to physical reality, to consider one’s delusions as being more real than the real world.”

We, the dominant world culture, are deluded into thinking the cyclical system just enumerated [A system of wage-slavery, exploitation and oppressive power struggles where the lower on the hierarchy are clearly losing] is freedom, or capable of creating freedom.  We believe it so thoroughly we will literally kill ourselves slaving to it and never realize that freedom would come if we would absolve ourselves of it—quit. 

To take it a step further, Albert Einstein famously said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  I have expected freedom for nearly a decade by waking up and living the same sort of day for 3,285 consecutive days.  I am insane.  How insane are you?

Insanity is irrationality and madness. I am in the midst of madness; and to wake up tomorrow and continue to live yesterday’s life, and the day before yesterday’s life, and last week’s life, and last year’s life, is irrationality incarnate.

So what to do?  HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OUT?

The last thing I wrote when I posted this was "Stop thinking about how you can reconcile the life you want to live with the rules of this culture and start thinking how this culture can reconcile itself with the life you set out to live."

What that really means is not really reconciliation at all, because if you are like me, the two CAN’T be reconciled because one is life, the other is a path to self, communal, ecological, and global suicide.  I’m still getting through this “moment” and Keith is right, it’s not fun. 

But, I have re-instituted for myself a mindset of no boundaries.  That’s important.  The whole idea here is to destroy boundaries.  I have lots to learn though.    

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